craziness

the relaxed home

Here are some wonderful images from the book The Relaxed Home by Atlanta Bartlett. I just love the look of these rooms.

Although my home doesn't reflect this right now, I love white. I first fell in love with it during a Christmas Tour of Homes. We walked into a typical 1980's suburban tract home and it was like stepping through a portal into the past. The owner had removed all the kitchen cabinets and appliances and replaced them with vintage models. The carpet had been replaced with hardwood. And the master bedroom was amazing. The owner had put a creaky screen door on the the master bathroom door. It sounded just like the screen door in the Waltons. Everything was white and very old. It was the most calm and peaceful house.

Even better are the little splashes of color against the white backdrop. Just a little touch is enough.

After seeing this photo I made a similar grouping of antique suitcases in my living room. I topped them with old books and used vintage irons as bookends.

This white floor is amazing!

My DSL and landlines were both out for a few days. I have a lot of blog reading to do and catching up on e-mails. But on the other hand, I got a LOT of housecleaning and organizing done without the lure of the computer.

We are still waiting to hear about the land we are trying to buy. This has been a lesson in patience, contentment, and willpower (I am fasting from sugar until we know for sure).

friends across the valley

What an amazing God! There is still a first contract on the land, but we are now in a back-up contract. If anything happens with the first buyers, we will own the land.


There is so much else to tell, I don't know where to start. One of the reasons I felt so strongly that we should buy that land was that it is right across the valley from some new friends of ours.


A little more than a month ago, I started a Beth Moore Bible study. It is being held in the beautiful home of a very sweet woman named Patti. After Bible study one afternoon, she asked our family to dinner in her home. She wanted me to meet her daughter, Gretchen, and for my boys to meet her grandson, Sterling (Gretchen's son). We came for dinner and really hit it off with Gretchen and Sterling. Since then, we have been hanging out together and have all become very good friends. As our friendship has grown, we were also trying to buy this land. When I realized how close it was to Gretchen and Sterling's home, I was overjoyed, but a little hesitant to tell Gretchen where it was, because it seemed a little weird to become friends with someone and then buy land right next to them several weeks later. But last night, I told her about the situation. She was so happy! She wants this as badly as we do. We decided to pray every morning at 6 am and text each other to let the other know we were praying. She is fasting from coffee, and I am fasting from sugar, until we know how all this will pan out. She even knows the man who is selling the land; it's the same farmer who sold her the land she built her house on!


Please pray with us. This will be such a great situation for our two families. Gretchen is such a neat person. She is a counselor who uses equine therapy in her practice. We have been hanging out at the farm where she practices. The boys play air soft guns with her son. There are so many cool places for them to hide on a farm. I am trying to help Gretchen decorate the farmhouse so it will be a fun and safe place for the teens she wants to help.


While I am praying about this, I want God's will to be done. I don't want to take anyone's land from them. But it sounds as if the first buyers may be getting in over their head. If this land is meant to be theirs, then so be it. It needs to be a blessing, not a burden, But if they are getting into something that will hurt them financially, then let this burden be lifted from them so that it may bless our families.

quick update

Remember how the realtor said to call back in a week to find out if the buyers would be continuing with the contract? So far they have NOT provided a pre-qual letter as they said they would. The realtor does not think they are going to be able to follow through with their contract. We are putting in a back-up offer in case the property does go become available again. The land may be ours after all.


I have so many things I would like to blog about right now, but no time at all to devote to it. I hope to be back soon, but for now need to take a short break to catch up on everything that's been waiting for me.

in flight

Spreading my wings...I took the risk and jumped, made that phone call. It didn't go the way I wanted it to go. But that's OK. I have peace about it, even though I am terribly disappointed and deeply feel the loss. For some reason it wasn't to be. God has something better planned; I just know it.


When I was 21, I lived in Portland, Oregon for a short time. It was a dark and lonely time in my life. I had taken a year off college to pursue a relationship that didn't work out. I was alone, without family, and with just a few friends I had met during the short time I lived there. But I did a lot of growing, partly because I was alone so much for the first time in my life. I had a lot of time to think, to explore what I wanted out of life, and to ponder who I really am.


While I was living there, I spent a lot of time exploring one of the parks in the area. This park was monstrous with miles and miles of hiking trails. I love wild areas, so I would wander the trails and sometimes drive around, explore, and think about my future. I had most of my life ahead of me and it felt like anything was possible. It was driving through the hills one evening that I saw the house I wanted to live in someday. That image burned itself into my brain and never left. Sometimes even now when we are driving in a hilly area, I'll look at each house we pass, measuring each one to the image in my head. But I never see it.


Three weeks ago I was looking for a lot that was for sale. I had been thinking it would be nice to live a little further out and to have some acreage so the boys could spread out and explore and not be confined to our little half-acre lot. I was driving down a beautiful rolling road lined with woods on either side, flaming in their autumn colors. Through breaks in the woods, picturesque fields were visible, with lazy cows munching on grass in the autumn sun.


Then I saw it. The image in my mind's eye, minus the house. A wooded lot with a for sale sign on it. It matched exactly. A few days later I convinced my husband to explore it with me. We walked through the woods to the rear property line and came upon a gorgeous valley. At the bottom was a meandering stream lined with trees. The sun was setting, the trees were on fire in a riot of color. The photo in the previous post was taken that evening. The light was bad and doesn't do the scene justice.


We spent probably close to half an hour walking around the woods and gazing across the valley. We talked it over and prayed. We went home, waited several days, praying about it. By the next weekend, my husband had given his OK. I had already fallen in love with the land. I looked at it several times a day using Google Earth. I even noticed that some new friends I made through the Beth Moore Bible study live right across the valley. In the winter, I might have even been able to see their houses. There is a little boy around Josh and Spencer's age who lives in one of those houses. A built in friend.


Now when I fall for a house, or in this case, land, I fall HARD. I have to get emotionally attached to a home before I can imagine it being MY HOME. This one was so perfect I was head over heels at first sight. I couldn't believe it was for sale. I couldn't believe it was in our price range. I couldn't believe it was close enough to my husband's work. It was unbelievable.


So I posted the last post right before I made the phone call. I asked for your support, and did you ever come through for me in a big way. Thank you!


But the land had just gone into contract. The realtor wasn't too confident about the bank approving them, so he suggested that I call back in about a week. So I hung up. That was Monday afternoon. Just yesterday, I checked the online listing info again and the status had changed to "in contract." Typically that only happens once a buyer looks strong enough that the sale has a good chance of going through.


Is it wrong of me to pray that they lose the land? Maybe God set that aside for some other family. I do pray that they lose it if it will cause them financial hardship. If they cannot handle it financially, I pray that they are not approved to save them from overextending themselves. But if it's not meant for us to have that land, I pray that He saves it for the family that was meant to have it.


***Some of you referred to another dream of mine, since I wasn't very specific in that last post. That's my dream of writing. That one is still in flight and I am working on making that one a reality. I am getting closer. I never thought it would involve writing in an online format, but that's the form it has taken lately, through blogging and writing homemaking articles for Homemaking Cottage. But I am making plans for getting my writing in print someday. It's going to take some major life re-organization. I've been in prayer about it and know it's not going to happen as long as my life is structured as it is currently. So there you have it! If you've stuck with me to the end of this post, you know my two biggest dreams that have yet to be fulfilled. YET to be fulfilled!****

somebody hold my hand...

...because I am making a phone call today that might change our lives. My dreams are on the verge of all coming true. Everywhere I go the past week I have been hearing about God's words on fear.


"Do not fear" is the most frequent command in the Bible.


It has been said that some form of it appears in all 66 books of the Bible.


Some say it appears 365 times, once for every day of the year.


I don't know if that's true or not. But I do know this. How do I fight fear? Perfect love. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” 1 John 4:18


“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10


I left a comment on another blog this morning asking this question: why do we fear our dreams coming true?

other's words do not determine my identity

I love Max Lucado books. And I'm not just talking about the ones he's written for adults. I mean his children's books. As I read them to my children, I'm marveling at how a simple book can teach adult truths. Because no matter how many years pass, I realize every day that I still face the same struggles I am trying to work out in my children. Like what to do with labels.

I am quoting from the dust jacket blurb on You Are Special: "the small wooden people called Wemmicks do the same thing: stick either gold stars or gray dots on one another. The pretty ones--those with smooth wood and fine paint--always get the stars. The talented ones do, too. Others, though, who can do little or who have chipped paint, get ugly gray dots. Like Punchinello."

It takes a visit with the master woodcarver to figure out how very special Punchinello is. Not because of how he looks or what he can do, but because of who he is. Whose he is.

I used this story to teach my Kids' Church class about the judgments and labels we put on people, often without intending any harm. It's human nature to judge others. Thank God it's His nature to love us where we are at and to love us enough to make us into what we were made to be, if we will only let Him.

My birthday is coming up in less than a month. In all those years of living, I've collected a hefty collection of labels. I'm sure you have, too. Some of the ugliest labels were stuck on me when I was very young, and worked their way into my identity. I may try to force them out, but they worm their way in when I least expect it. I consciously replace those voices with the voice of truth. I may not wear the truth comfortably, but if I keep chipping away, someday the truth will fit as well as the lie did before.

Punchinello met a Wemmick who had no marks. Others would try to put stickers on her but they all fell off. The good ones and the bad ones. When he asked the maker why the stickers didn't stay on her, he answered "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them...the stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about my stickers. "

There is a character in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by C.S. Lewis who has a transformation. Greedy, self-centered Eustace wanders away from the others and falls asleep on a dragon’s horde. When he wakes, he realizes he has turned into a dragon and become “a monster cut off from the whole human race.” He then admits he has been behaving like a dragon. Though everyone noticed that “Eustace’s character had been rather improved by becoming a dragon,” he wants to become human again but doesn’t know how. One night, Aslan appears to him by moonlight. When Eustace tries to scratch off his dragon scales, he finds yet another layer of scales underneath, and then another. Finally, he agrees to let Aslan take over, and the great lion seems to rip his dragon flesh to the very core of his being. Then Aslan picks him up and tosses him into water, which stings at first but then feels delightful. Through great fear and pain, Eustace is given back his human form. The story goes on to explain that though he still had his bad days, Eustace from that time on “began to be a different boy” because “the cure had begun.”

In this case, the labels were an indicator that there was something very wrong with Eustace's character and were a real indicator of a problem. Some negative labels are deserved. Some positive labels are not. But all are useless if we forget our true identity.

The dragon flesh adhered so tightly to Eustace's real form that Aslan had to perform a painful removal process before Eustace's human form emerged again. The truth may be painful, but it's the only reality.

"Your old self was crucified with Christ . . . " Romans 6:6

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

"They are God's children, since they are children of the resurrection." Luke 20:36b

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.Romans 8:16-18

"you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.' These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites." Exodus 19:6

"To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen." Revelation 1:6

"You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth." Revelation 5:10

exchanging my mask for a veil

I am a thinker. I get stuck on a subject and turn it over so many times in my mind that I feel I need to write and blog about it, and hopefully get comments from other people about their views on it so I get to turn it over again. One of the things about this writing journey that I am learning is that I had to get over myself. I've always been on the shy side and for a long time didn't share much of myself with others. But the scary thing about writing is that if I want other people to read it, I have to get over my fear of being on display. What's even scarier: people I know in real life read this blog. There are probably people I know in real life reading that I don't know are reading.


To an introvert, the inward world is safe, quiet, and private. But I have turned my thoughts inside out and put them on display. Even more than my privacy, I want the exchange of ideas that writing, and reading others' writing, provides.


The surprise that came after I began opening up on my blog was that I began opening up in real life. It became easier in time and I have been blessed by it in friendship. I have more good friends at this point in my life than at any other point in my life. But something about this still feels vulnerable and dangerous because sometimes others' intentions are not good. Here is part of a comment I left on someone's blog, although I can't remember whose:

For many years I was not trusting at all. But I found it a very lonely place to be. Yes, I got burned less when I let no one in, but the slow ache of loneliness that came from hiding was even more painful, in the long run, than the burn of a betrayal that comes all at once.

I have found that even if I risk pain, the risk is worth it when I can help others. By trusting, I can gain friends and can help others by giving them friendship and helping them out of their loneliness. By trusting another, they might feel as if they are trustworthy. By risking it all, walls are torn down, friendships are born or deepen, and forgiveness does its healing work.

Much of my attitude has come from expecting that other people will eventually let me down. But that doesn't mean they are to be written off. It just means they are normal. James 3:2 says "we ALL stumble in MANY ways." (Emphasis mine). I have failed many, many people in my lifetime. And I try to follow the example of forgiveness that has been shown to me.

Still, that doesn't mean that I go around trusting in people indiscriminately. That would be foolish. But if someone ultimately has good intentions, I give them the benefit of the doubt. Ultimately, I trust God with all of it, including the pain I feel when I have been let down, and the results when I have done all I can and the rest if out of my hands.

This comment continued to haunt me long after I left it. So, the masks I hid behind are now gone. But how do I spare myself pain? Or should I even try? What if someone hurts me? In the 3+ years I have been blogging I have never had a comment that was anything but positive. What if someday I am criticized? I have been attacked, verbally, in the real world, by someone who twisted my own words against me to make my intentions sound exactly the opposite of what they really were. This attack was made even more painful by the fact that it was someone I was very close to, during a time in my life when I was already wounded and vulnerable. Because I remember that pain, I wonder if my view in the comment above is a bit Pollyanna-ish? Even so, the option of retreating behind the masks I wore before is simply not an option. I don't think that's how God intended us to live.


Yet, still, there needs to be discretion in trust. The middle verse of the Bible goes like this: "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8. This is when it is time to exchange a mask for a veil.


A mask is something we use to hide our true selves behind. It is made to represent something else. I use it to deceive others into thinking I am someone other than who I really am. But the truth says:

For you were made in my image... Genesis 1:27
You are fearfully and wonderfully made... Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb... Psalm 139:13
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book...Psalm 139:15-16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you simply because you are my child and I am your father... 1 John 3:1

We were made to fellowship with others. To use our wounds to heal others. I cannot do that without exposing my wounds.


Yet we are also to be as "shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

A veil marks something as hidden, protected, private. The veil itself is not made into a representation of something else, like a mask is. It is a measure of control. In the Bible, women veiled themselves as a symbol of humility. It represents a choice to hold back one's own glory so that God may be glorified. A woman uses a veil to reserve the full impact of her beauty for her husband. The veil represents discretion.

A mask doesn't glorify God. We don't want to pretend to be someone other than who God made us. Yet He does want us to operate shrewdly and with discretion. The veil in the temple was used to separate the holy from the unholy. Likewise, we protect what is sacred in our hearts from the potential threat of an untrustworthy person by veiling it, by choosing words carefully, through modesty, by discretion. The veil leaves "something to the imagination." If we are to treat others with love, we do not bare all, but we clothe ourselves with truth and love, thus reflecting the glory of God.

in which I plan a stay-cation

Princess Anne

image from allposters.com

Life has been humming along, keeping me very busy. Too busy at times. Next week we have the entire week off from our co-op due to the county fair.

After wondering why I was feeling so stressed and not able to keep up with anything lately, I added up all the hours I spend homeschooling, teaching at our co-op, and serving in church. The total was 38 hours per week. I am pretty much working a full-time job in addition to being a full-time homemaker.

So, since we will have the entire week off, I am going to take an at-home vacation. I am doing only the bare basics for homeschooling, just catching up on history, the one subject we seem to be falling behind on. I am backing out of any church related meetings, practices, and services except for singing during Sunday service. And I am going to catch up on blogging, some writing for Homemaking Cottage, Christmas baking, and some desperately-needed housecleaning. I am taking a vacation from "have to" and doing the things I "want" to do. I recently realized I am trying to do too much and be too many things for too many people.

The one thing I cannot give up, because I am enjoying it too much, is the Beth Moore "Esther: It's Tough Being A Woman" Bible study I am doing. I have so much material for blogging after those sessions, I could write all day, but I don't want to ruin anyone else's experience of this study if they haven't done it.

But I HAD to share this Beth Moore quote referring to Esther: "She didn't fulfill her little girl dreams but she fulfilled her God-given destiny." How many of us are wondering where OUR little girl dreams went? Especially when crying toddlers and laundry are our reality, and the "castle" is a mess, and the "carriage" is a minivan that needs its oil changed?

But it means so much that I am fulfilling my God-given destiny whenever I listen to God's words for me. If I just keep walking with Him, it's going to be OK. It's in every little act of service I ever do for my family: every shoe tied, every load of laundry, every bedtime story, every hug. It may not always be glamorous, but it matters in the eternal sense.

Beth also shared a photo of a sign a little girl in Beth's life made. After the little girl's trip to Disney World, her princess dreams were shattered when she wasn't allowed to wear her princess crown everywhere. So to keep her brother's hands off the crown when she couldn't wear it, she made a sign:

DON'T TUCH THE CROWN

Oh, yes. I have had several of those "DON'T TUCH THE CROWN" days lately.

joy

Photo from The Sartorialist

If you aren't feeling the joy, maybe you are still in the cocoon.

You know this describes the entire first half of my life? Everything between age 10 and about age 30 was darkness. I had bright spots: my wedding, the birth of my children, moments when I was deliriously happy. But looking back, joy was a foreign concept to me. I never could have believed I could have the fullness of life that I have right now. Is it my circumstances? No, not really. The past few years have been some of the most painful I could imagine. But underneath the difficulties, I still have the joy.

I'm out of the cocoon.

I'm not going to let anything--any circumstance, any temptation, any feeling, attitude, or anyone else's feelings or attitudes take that away from me.

I'm not going to let a bad haircut get to me. Not a rude driver. Not a cold, gloomy day. Not the number on the scale.

Although I was primarilly unchurched as a child, I had a friend from school who took me to VBS the summer after 3rd grade. I don't remember much from that week, but I do remember learning an acronym that stuck with me for years: JOY stands for Jesus, first, Others second, Yourself third. Even though I understood the acronym, the connection between it and the word "joy" never clicked. But that's the secret of joy: putting yourself third AFTER Jesus, and after other people.

It's not all about me.

And the more I can remember that, the happier I will be. The more I focus on me, the less happy I will become. In fact, the more I pursue myself and my desires, the further away joy will go from me.